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Pamamanhikan: Climbing for Love
by
Jett Pe Benito
If
in the hustle and bustle of the city, the concepts of harana
(serenade), a mahinhin (shy) Filipina woman, and a long panliligaw
(courtship) are things of the past, it is reassuring to know
that city-savvy people still believe in the age old custom
of pamamanhikan.
From the word panik (which means to ascend or to climb a house’s
flight of stairs), pamamanhikan is "the asking for the
girl’s parents’ permission to wed the affianced
pair." The custom symbolizes honor and respect for the
parents, seeking their blessing and approval before getting
married.
Contrary to popular belief, pamamanhikan remains to be an
integral part of any couple’s plan, even in a metropolis
like Manila. The following are anecdotes of two couples who
have undergone this unique baptism of fire.
Joel
and Loida
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Theirs
was a relationship that lasted for five (5) years before
they got married. Both of them lived in their own apartments
in the city with Loida working as an accountant for
CATS in Greenhills, EDSA while Joel was a seaman. When
Loida and Joel decided to finally take the big plunge
into marriage, they knew that pamamanhikan was a necessity.
Joel, who was on a ship at that time, asked his mother
to talk to Loida’s parents first. As soon as he
got off from his assignment that night, Joel set off
for Loida’s house the next evening. |
"Kakausapin pa ba tayo nyan? "(Will he still talk
to us?) commented Loida’s parents, as the night drew
on with not one sound from Joel. All of them had finished
the dinner Joel brought and were waiting for him to start
the conversation. Loida, unable to bear the silence, finally
spoke and started the ball rolling.
Marcelo, Loida’s father, read excerpts from the
Bible as they talked. While Prima, Loida’s mother
kept silent.
To
Loida, Marcelo reminded her that although she was a
working woman, she should fulfill her duties and make
the family her priority.
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All throughout the
talk, Joel and Loida held hands to draw
strength from each other (and to keep Joel’s
hands from shaking).
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Overall the couple, particularly Joel, survived the custom with
the usual nervousness and apprehension, all worth it with what
he has now—a happy marriage with Loida and Ashley, their
two-year-old daughter.
Babet and Cristy
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Babet
was a classroom facilitator in a computer school in
Cainta while Cristy worked in the city hall. Both were
used to the city life, with all the independence and
nightlife it had to offer, but both realized that their
relationship should lead to only one conclusion - marriage.
Babet would characterize his pamamanhikan as what would
be expected of the occasion, except for a few comical
incidents.
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"Friends
have said that my choice of day for the pamamanhikan was a
stroke of genius," he laughingly shared.
Babet, with his parents and two brothers, chose to do his
pamamanhikan on the day of the town fiesta.
"That way, with all the festivities, the pamamanhikan
would be seen as a small diversion and would not be as nerve-wracking."
joked Babet.
Since he was accepted in Cristy's family, having been with
her for three years and making her
four
brothers and uncle his drinking buddies, he was sure
that this pamamanhikan would be finished in no time.
Of course he failed to consider Cristy's grandfather
and his concept of a dowry.
It was a good thing that Cristy’s mother intervened
and explained to the old man that the custom was not
practiced anymore. Needless to say, Babet did not have
to go scouting at animal breeding farms. |
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"I was laughing at that time because I thought
that Cristy's grandfather was joking when
he said I had to give a carabao as my dowry."
reminisced Babet. " It turned out that I
was the only one laughing because the grandfather
was dead serious."
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What
would remain memorable of that occasion was that Cristy’s
family offered to contribute to the expenses of the wedding,
making Babet realize even more that he married a good woman
and now part of a terrific second family.
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