What About the Groom?

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Jett Pe Benito

Weddings have always been centered on the bride. One would always hear of comments of how the bride looked radiant or how her gown suited her perfectly. What was often overlooked was the other important member of the union—the groom.

Here are the thoughts of John and how he felt to be caught in the edge of the spotlight.

What do you remember most about your wedding?

“There were a lot of memories before, during and after my wedding. Everything seemed to be in chaos. I remember how we had so much trouble assembling the paperwork together for the wedding and how much of that time was consumed traveling all over the place. Imagine that 2 hours before the wedding itself, I was still out scouring for a photographer. I am embarrassed to admit it, but with all the preparation and worrying about the outcome, I did not have time to take a bath. I know what other people are going to say…how could he have not been able to TAKE A BATH?! Understand that I felt pressured with thinking about the seemingly small things, like how many people were going to attend the reception, aside from those we actually invited and would all the preparations suffice. Everybody and his uncle could attend. Another worry was, with all the things being taken cared of at different times, how could all of it possibly come together? You know how an average Filipino wedding could get.”

What were you thinking during the ceremony itself?

“That I wanted everything to be over as quickly as possible!”

What other things did you think about?

“A defining moment was when Arielle stepped out of the bridal car. I sighed when I saw her. No wonder weddings were for the bride, when brides looked the way she did, beautiful and almost ethereal, I could see what the fuss was all about. For a moment I forgot the pressure I was under. But it was only for a moment. I shook myself out of it and concentrated on the task of being the picture of composure and solidity.”

Did you feel left out with all the attention your bride was getting?

“I knew from the start that weddings were for the brides. Why else would gowns cost more than the barongs? Why would pictures be taken of the bride getting ready and dressing up? Why was there a change of clothes for the bride for the wedding and reception? I didn’t mind being left out. In fact, I didn’t feel that way at all. I almost reveled in my ‘anonymity’.”

What part of the future were you most concerned about?

“Others may think that I was thinking of our finances, of long term goals of a house and kids. But I was actually concentrating on solving each immediate problem at a time. First were the preparations, second was the reception, and third were how things would finally work out. I and my wife addressed larger concerns after the flurry of activities of the wedding was over.”

What happened after the wedding and reception was over?

“First I took a bath. Both my wife and I were so tired that we fell asleep. The pressure was gone. And if you think that grooms feel slighted for being overlooked in favor of the bride, think again. For me, I was glad that that I wasn’t being fussed over. I don’t think that I could have taken the added pressure. It was enough for me to know that while everybody’s eyes were on my bride, her eyes were on me.”

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